You want this too
by Hello-Sweetie1311
Summary: Lupin is in love. Sirius seems to just want some fun. Smut, Swearing, D/s themes. JK owns and I'm sure she'd be horrified with what i do with them. Enjoy :
1. Chapter 1

"**You want this too." **

"ooooh, mooonyy "

"Padfoot, get lost, im trying to-"

Remus Lupin's sentence cartwheeled off, leaving him lying on his dormitory bed, mouth open, throat dry, eyes agog, pulse racing, heart beating faster than the time had come that his three best friends found out about where he went every month, coming back exhausted, new scars littering his pale, thin body. Sometimes he still couldn't believe just how well that had ended. He definitely couldn't believe what he saw before him, stood in the dormitory on a totally mundane Saturday afternoon.

Sirius black, sixteen years old and heartthrob of Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry, slouched in the door frame. Tall, toned body well-muscled arms encased in a oh-so tight white t-shirt. Long, lean legs and a fantastic arse displayed almost sinfully in tight black pants. Regally handsome face, strong jaw, eyes deep grey, like the celling of the evening feasts. Shiny, sleek black hair, always so effortlessly messy the way James or he could never manage. Trademark signature smirk, a little bit arrogant, a hell of a lot sexy, tiny bit dangerous. Just enough to always make Remus' heart skip a beat and his temperature to rise.

It was Sirius smile for every teacher who gave them detention, every girl who threw herself at him, every prank played, every time he looked at Remus, the reassurance that his friends were there for good. Sirius knew that even know Remus worried deeply about acceptance, he always sought to reassure without being condescending or too "touchy feely". That was the Sirius black he knew, that the marauders knew. Loyal, caring, brave. So much more, Remus always secretly felt, than the devil-may-care, privileged playboy trouble maker persona the rest of the school knew and loved, envied and lusted for. That wasn't the real Sirius, the boy who still tried to bond with his brother Regulus, despite that being impossible. The boy who stayed with Remus every month through the pain and the lack of control of his own body turning inside out and becoming a monster. This was the Sirius black that Remus had been hopelessly , desperately in love with for years now.

Forcing his voice to be normal, ignoring the sudden tightness in his school pants and trying not to act like he was caught so obviously checking out his impossibly hot, very straight, best friend.

"Hey, how come your not in Hogsmede on your date?" Remus hoped like hell he'd come across as casual and friendly, not a hint of bitterness or, merlin help him, envy in his voice.

Sirius strode over the room, long strides making his legs look-_no. for gods sake, control yourself moony. _

"Urgh, it was awful. I would have rather had snivellus all over me for an hour thanks. " his sigh attempted at long suffering as he crashed down onto Remus's bed, still managing athletic and graceful, and Remus had to force himself not to stare and drool where that very tight top rode up over hips and flat abdomen. Forced himself to tune back into the rant.

"- I mean, come on, like they'll ever win anything at quiddictch " however, as Sirius went on about his awful date with Rose Maher, the pretty but nasty ravenclaw, Remus found himself in a Sirius induced fantasy, sweaty bodies writhing naked on tangled sheets, bites and moans and _oh god yes_ and –

"-so I obviously said he was a prat, how was I to know it was her dad, he's almost a squib apparently, doesn't stop him having a ministry of magic job-"

Sirius pinning him to his bed, hands and lips everywhere, his body all available for him to use at his will."

"Sugar quills were juvenile, I mean what? AND then she started in on how apparently hurtful our prank on that Daniel Mc'clombe, you know, the one with the boils last week…."

Sirius pounding into him again and again, those eyes glazed over with lust

"so anyway, I decided to come and see what your fine-but-oh-so-nerdy arse was doing today instead of chasing awful girls in the three broomsticks" the comment about his arse was sing-songed in a way that made it hard for Lupin to determine if his rampant sexual frustration was just imagining things or if it was said.

"I told you, I have work to do. Reading, studying. "It wasn't true, his essay wasn't even due until next Thursday but he couldn't take another weekend of watching Sirius with some vile, simpering giggling girl.

"You work too much moony. You need some _fun" _padfoot fixed him with a stare that gave Remus the impression that he was the prey and padfoot the predator who was very, very hungry. Desire ran through him, dark and powerful.

"Fun, oh yeah. Three days to the full moon and two rolls of parchment due, fun seems like the responsible thing to do. What did you have in mind, another set of boils on the Ravenclaw chaser? " And if he was bitchy, so be it. Because Sirius was giving him that stare that made him want to straddle his friend, run his fingers through that hair and smash his lips against Sirius's.

Seemingly undeterred by his friends snappiness, Sirius grinned that devastating smirk, and faster than Remus could even seem to register it, had straddled his friend, grabbed both his wrists in one hand and had them over his head. Sirius's legs were outside of Remus's, his body lying flat on top of his, his head to the side of Lupin's, his hot breath on Remus's neck sending tingles down the werewolves spine.

"noo, silly moony. I thought perhaps I could shag your brains out, eh?" not teasing, not pranking. Sirius voice was low and breathy, panting practically as he reached out actually lightly bit Remus's neck and he groaned and bucked underneath the black family heir.

Remus had to make this stop. He couldn't be just another meaningless shag to the boy who he loved so much it hurt, however much he wanted it, but was it so bad just to feel for no- and oh-my-merlin because Lupin could feel a large bulge against his leg that was Sirius's erection and at that moment the boy on top reached down and stroked Lupin through his school pants.

"ahhh, don't pretend you don't like this Remy, I see the way you look at me, in the shower, getting changed, with a girl, even in class, writing." There was that underlying arrogance in Blacks tone that he pulled off so well. "You want this as badly as I do, don't you?"

Remus's resolve broke and his moans and trying to buck into Sirius's hand were nothing short of desperate.

"Yes oh fucking hell padfoot _please _please I need you so bad" this gasped plea earned Remus a low, slightly sadistic laugh as Sirius pulled out his wand and suddenly, Remus Lupin was naked as the day he was born, trapped under the weight of the still clothed Sirius Black. Mercy.

"you're going to have to be a bit more precise in your request gorgeous " Padfoot grinned at the ridiculously turned on werewolf underneath him, and rolled his hips a little and Lupin bit his lip and threw his head back and holy fuck he looked good out of control.

"please padfoot" the desperate moaned pleas of Lupin were making it hard for Sirius not to come in his pants, and when Remus reached his suddenly freed arms up and gripped the pure-bloods encased arse, all bets were off.

It was like a switch had been flipped as both boys become overwhelmed with desire, rolling around on the bed, tongues fighting for dominance, teeth clashing, and hands gripping everywhere. Then Sirius non to gently threw his friend onto his book and took his straining cock into his mouth.

The world ceased to exist for Lupin at that moment, all he was aware of was Sirius warm and wet mouth swallowing down his entire length, licking, sucking at the head, it was all too good. He was aware his mouth was working, groans and whimpers and yes's and pleases and more's and then please fuck me sirius's.

The black haired boy stopped, and Remus cried out in disappointment; however a sharp and stinging slap to his side made the werewolf nearly climax there and then. Sirius's demeanour changed, more dominant, more powerful, all still with that cocky smirk on his face.

"Shut up moaning like a little bitch, or ill gag you." The tone was commanding and Lupin chocked down a whimper at the arousal the statement created. Sirius wand was in his hand again, and without warning black, velvet like ties came out of nowhere, restraining Lupin's hands to the bedposts. He couldn't even struggle.

Sirius stopped and took a moment under the pretence of undressing without magic. However his eyes never left lupins, checking for signs of reluctance or non-agreement. However the submission of the act didn't frighten or disgust Remus. What it did was turn him on immensely. He wanted Sirius, badly. NOW.

When satisfied that all that was troubling the young werewolf was massive sexual frustration, Sirius returned to straddling him, skin hit skin and both boys moaned at the feeling. Sirius began tormenting his submissive, kissing his chest and hips and thighs, biting deep and making Lupin cry out, sucking deep bruises everywhere, even where they could be seen. It was marking, possessive. Lupin loved it.

He kissed Lupin on the lips, slow, gentle. It completely threw him off balance, as the second later a painful twist of his nipples had him whimpering for mercy.

"Do you like this, huh? You like being my little bitch don't you" Black growled, taking three of his fingers and pushing them against Lupins kiss-bitten lips. "Suck them." Instantly Lupin obeyed "get them nice and wet, yeah just like that, good girl…" the insults, the commands turned Lupin on in the most primal way possible.

"Roll over. Do it now. "The magic ties were somehow flexible enough to allow Lupin to obey the command.

Smack! Smack! Smack!

The succession of blows delivered by Sirius hand to Lupins behind had him breathing for air and more desperate for release than he had ever been in his life.

Sirius hand groped down to his best friends most private area, and the fingers Lupin had lubricated aligned themselves at his entrance.

"You sure you want to do this?" for the first time since he'd known him, Sirius Black sounded unsure of himself. In other circumstances, Remus would have found this amusing.

"if you don't, ill hurt you" no sooner had he uttered the words that Lupin felt a delicious pain and invasion, however the pain soon went, replaced with seeing stars every time Sirius's fingers stroked that particular cluster of nerve endings that felt like he'd exploded with pleasure every time.

Then, they were removed. The feeling of emptiness was almost overwhelming for a single second, then a much larger invasion again, from Sirius cock trusting into his body. The boys hand reached around and grasped lupins cock and started stroking and Lupin nearly screamed with pleasure.

Sirius thrusts were hard and fast and almost brutal as the pleasure climbed them both like a wave, until it became too incredible good for words, the wave broke and they both climaxed like a pair of freight trains, thick ropes of semen covering them both, as they came back down to earth panting.

In the afterglow, Sirius untied Lupin and they collapsed in each other's arms, not caring about the messy dormitory (things seemed to get thrown everywhere), occasionally sharing a lazy kiss and blissed out grins.

Lupin thought this was the perfect moment; everything in the world was amazing.

At least until prongs came back and found his two best friends naked in bed and a thrown pair of boxer shorts on his pillow.


	2. Chapter 2

You want this too- chapter two.

The lines in Bathilda Bagshot's heavy book blurred and Lupin rubbed his eyes tiredly. It was easily past midnight and whilst madam price had allowed him to remain in the library alone (the hardworking, studious prefect was hardly going to cause havoc) his history of magic essay was the last thing on the young werewolf's mind. His mind was on his friend Sirius, well more accurately the screaming fit they'd had a few hours before.

It was unheard of in marauder history: they didn't fight. Sure they teased, insulted and jokingly belittled each other, but that was as far as it went. It had certainly never resulted in a smashed up dorm room and Lupin hiding in the library pretending to give a crap about the giant wars.

It had been a week. A week since they had slept together. A week since hot, sweaty sex. The bites were fading, the hickeys nearly gone. A week since he had realised what an arsehole the boy he loved was.

It had started the morning after. James had been amazingly cool about it, a shrug, a "whatever man, none of my business as long as its kept off my BED!" and obviously it went without saying no one mentioned this to wormtail. He could be very prejudiced sometimes as well as having a vicious streak: sometimes it scared Lupin a little bit. Not that he'd ever admit that.

Sirius had gotten up, showered, and ignored Lupin. By the time they went down to the great hall for dinner, he was as friendly too him as he was to others, but nothing more. No mention of it, no physical contact. Just as if it had never happened, despite the rather obvious bruising on lupins neck and wrists.

_It meant nothing to him. _Lupins heart broke into a million pieces as he realised he was as disposable to Black as all the other girls who had come before him, a quick fuck, and then never to be thought of again.

_I can't lose them as friends. I just can't be alone again. _No, he couldn't. No matter how devastated and used and cheap he felt, his friends accepted him. He wasn't going to throw that away because of his feelings for Sirius. So with strength that astounded him he even possessed, he slapped a smile on his face and started actually listening to the conversation.

"I mean come on she's so up herself, it'll so be worth it. " Prongs lent back, his manner as always confidence, arrogance and swagger.

"What are you guys doing again?" he was surprised at how normal his voice sounded. He felt more reassured. If Sirius could act like it was no big deal, so could he.

_Ha, no you can't. _His brain mockingly stated the obvious.

Sirius leaned forward, the smile on his face that made Lupins knees weak.

"Well moony, Bellatrix has been offending our delicate ears –Wormtail snorted- all week with her talk of blood purity and blood traitors, blah de blah." Blacks dislike for his removed cousins who he almost never interacted with unless it was aggressively, was etched into his handsome face.

"so, what are you going to do to her? Are you sure you want to mess with your family?" He couldn't keep concern out of his voice. The blacks were pureblood and powerful, and insane.

"I couldn't give a fuck, they're all batshit anyway. I hate the lot of them." His grin turned dark and dangerous and Lupin shifted uncomfortably, his school pants considerably tighter now. "We're going to make her bald."

Lupin threw back his head and laughed out loud, and was sure that he saw Sirius gulp at the sight. Hope simmered.

They continued like this for a few days, plans for the "Bald Bella" trick were underway and Lupin was steadfastly ignoring the part of his brain that whimpered every time Sirius touched him or smiled at him.

_It was a one off, it meant nothing. _Lupin's new mantra was repeated in his head so many times it was like a tape playing on a loop. However the hurt didn't diminish with familiarity.

However, he couldn't stop thinking about the sex. The pleasure, the sheer rawness of it. The moans and groans and hisses of breath, the kissing and licking and suc-

_No, stop it. Don't think about it. _ It was as if he had been blind his whole life, and in one day his best friend had given him 20:20 vision, and then plunged him back into darkness without a second thought. More than anything, he felt alone. When he was with Sirius he had felt – like he had someone.

_That's what you need, a relationship. Doesn't have to be Sirius, it could be anyone. _He clung to this thought like a drowning man clings to a life vest, and went out to find the first person he could get, determined that a meaningless relationship would cure his feelings for Sirius black. For a smart boy, Remus Lupin was really dumb.

"Your dating Kristen Parkinson!?" the incredulous splutter managed to be an outburst of horror, rage, betrayal, astonishment, concern and a little amusement. Lupin was impressed with Prongs' emotional range to be perfectly frank.

"Yes I am, I was talking to her this morning and it just kind of happened." He knew the flat, depressed voice wasn't exactly selling his affection for the vile slytherin girl, but she'd been so overly flirty it was ridiculously easy to get her to go out with him. She had black hair, pureblood features, a slight, almost masculine body, oh and she was arrogant as hell along with it. It wasn't a far stretch of imagination for James Potter what was going on.

"But, you can't…. You just can't. She's awful Remy- and besides I know what you're doing!"

"And what am I doing exactly James?"

"You're trying to pretend like you aren't in love with Sirius because he made you feel used!" there are very few friends that can seemingly take the most devastating truths out of your head and put it into words. James potter was one of them. It made Lupin angry and humiliated that the taller boy could look into his very soul with such ease.

"Im not! It happened once and it didn't mean anything!" he didn't know if he was pleading for himself to believe it or James.

The quiddictch captain would have responded however the crashing of the door to the dormitory halted the proceeding dialect.

Sirius black stood, panting, pale and furious looking as he surveyed his best friends. Grey eyes met Lupin's gold-browns ones. And just stayed there. The werewolf and the Animagus stared at each other silently. The tension grew. James gratefully slipped out, placing a silencing charm on the lock. Neither boy had even noticed he was gone, but he was sure they'd appreciate the entire Gryffindor common room not hearing this particular conversation. He just had to make sure Wormtail and Frank Longbottom didn't go up. Shouldn't be too hard, Frank was always with Alice anyway and Peter would understand they needed time to work it out.

Black broke the tension first, reacting instinctively and landing a jaw-breaker of a punch on Lupins nose, who, just as angry at the world today, fought back hard. They wrestled to the floor, punches and kicks going everywhere, until they landed with Lupin pinned underneath a panting black.

_Exactly what got you in trouble in the first place?_ He didn't like the voice in his head so much right now.

Unable, despite his best efforts, to free himself, the seething werewolf then launched a verbal attack

"What the FUCK was that for?" even he wasn't sure what he meant. The seduction, the brush off, the punch, any of it. All of it.

Sirius black had an eye that was swelling shut and a sickly yellowing colour courtesy of Lupin's fists, and if the metallic taste and dull throbbing pain was anything to go by, Lupin had been on the receiving end of a split lip.

The reprieve that had fell from the violence seemed to break at that moment, and Lupin found himself being hauled by the front of his robes, too shocked too resist, as with a growl that was downright animalistic growl (even in the shock of the sudden movement a little part of Lupins brain whimpered to hear that sound again) Sirius Black threw Remus Lupin Against the wall and kissed him as if his life depended on it.

Time stood still as their tongues waged a ferocious war, hot and demanding and all consuming. Until Sirius black pulled his lips away and started to kiss down Lupins neck, whilst removing his robes off his shoulders to the white shirt underneath.

"Did you miss this?" the breathy growl and hot breath tingling against Lupin's ear and he nearly climaxed from the sound of it.

"god- god yes" his words were groans as the black haired boy ripped his shirt from his body, buttons and material falling off as hands and a oh-so-talented mouth attacked the suddenly bare flesh.

"Hmm, really? so why- at this Sirius grabbed Lupins chin, forcing it back to look at him as Sirius body pressed down onto his own semi naked physique, one hand keeping his face immobilised, the other pressed down on the werewolf's very prominent crotch- are you apparently fucking that blood snob slytherin bitch Parkinson ?" the question was said aggressively, possessively.

Lupin was trying hard to think beyond the blood rushing to his lower extremities and the hand that was now stroking him through his school pants.

"erm, I, " all the outrage he felt, the pain of the past week, the heartbreak came back to him, tearing him out of the lustful daze he'd been in just a second before.

"NO! Get off me! this isn't right!" he was shouting it before he even knew he was, pushing his best friend away, who fell back, a confused look on his face.

"You can't use me like your toy padfoot, to play with and then throw away! It's not; it's not fair for fucks sake! It's not the same for me, im not you….. "He was rambling, crying and shouting all at once.

"…and then you come in here because I've found someone, and yeah she's a bitch but at least she doesn't play with my feelings, make me fall in love and then ignore me!" it was out of his mouth before he knew what he had said.

"You what? You, you love me? Me?" His voice caught, Sirius looked painful vulnerable, breathtakingly handsome and yes, gods preserve us, he was crying, silently.

"Yes. Always." The words were chocked out, felt more deeply than Lupin ever knew he could feel.

"I, I don't know what…. Remy, I ….." Sirius looked on the verge of saying so much more, but just sank to the floor, silent tears streaming.

So that was that. With a sob that tore at Sirius very soul, Lupin slammed out of the room, leaving a destroyed dormitory and a sobbing boy.

So there he found himself, in the library, crying, heartbroken. In the dark library.

From under his invisibility cloak, James potter watched his friend cry, knowing he wouldn't appreciate company, wondering if in his wildest dreams Lupin guessed the truth, that in their room, a heartbroken Sirius was lying in his bed crying, saying over and over:

"I love him too. Always. "


	3. Chapter 3

You want this too Chapter three 

James potter was known for many things in Hogwarts. Leader of the most élite group; the marauders, quiddictch captain, one half of the worst trouble makers Hogwarts had ever seen. What he wasn't known for however, was an over abundance of patience or subtlety. He definitely had no patience or tolerance for the completely pointless fall out between two of his best friends.

It was awful: moony was always in the library, looking like a lost little puppy, and padfoot was pretending everything was so damn fine. Louder, flirtier and more arrogant than ever. Only prongs saw how much he was actually in pieces, the flash of pain every time Remus slipped into the common room and up to bed, the concern when he saw Remus not at another meal, getting thinner and snappier by the day.

Both of them tore at prongs, he was protective over Remus, who had been through much, who was only just starting too feel like he wasn't alone, and over Sirius, who had always been surrounded, but could somehow be lonelier in a crowded room.

They were perfect for each other, of course they fucking were. Sirius brought out the fun in Remus, and James didn't think Sirius would have got through Hogwarts without Remus making him actually do some work. It was obvious most though, when Remus transformed. Only padfoot could stay with him throughout the worst, keep him calmer. It was, James mused, as if in animal form they accepted what their human brains hadn't yet.

Remus had been in love for years, but James had never suspected that Sirius felt the same. But he had. If the look in his eyes was anything to go by, Sirius black had fallen like a rock. Not that he'd ever admit it; he was so insecure sometimes, too worried about his family, despite his objections. Too concerned with his reputation. It was pissing James right off.

_If only he knew what he has. The person he loves: loves him back .if only he knew what he was throwing away. _

He couldn't help but let his mind wander to the green-eyed potions whizz lily Evans, and the pain was like a physical wound. She would never love him; he'd never see her approaching him in a white dress, never see a child with green eyes look up at him. Fuck.

He had to do something. It was either stay here, and brood, or try to get his too best friends to realise they were fucking soul mates. Both felt a bit too emotional, but at least one could be sorted. He could hear Sirius downstairs with some blonde on his lap, knew Remus would be in the library.

_If, by some god forsaken chance, I ever get to be a dad, I hope to Merlin he never has to mediate between a bookworm and a pig-headed moron. _

He stormed off to plot. After all, who could scheme better than a marauder?

Sirius black had denial mastered down to a fine art. It came with the blood, the pure, insane, evil blood that pumped through his veins. It gave him the looks he knew made him so popular; it gave him the bruises that his parents inflicted, ways of "correcting "their son's behaviour. He hates them all. But none the less, he got good at denial, lies and putting on a show. He lived in a family where protecting your reputation was paramount, where everyone had secrets and no one trusted anyone. Only natural some of his dear mother's bullshit had to imprint.

This was just another thing to push away, to lock in a box inside his mind and forget about. Except he couldn't. he hadn't spoken to Remus since that fight, and he looked terrible. Thin, weak, pale. He came to bed after Sirius was gone and was gone after he woke up. Sirius wanted to say something, but what could he say ? What on earth would make it right?

_You shouldn't have broken the boundaries _his brain reminded him _just because he looked so adorable lying there reading. Just because you knew he loved you, because you could. Because you love him too. _

"siri? Why do you look so… far away?" Jesus Christ the girl lying below him wasn't going to win any awards for brains, he thought, startled however, he focused on continuing to thrust into her, his hands on her hips, his brain a million miles away.

How he even managed to get hard was a miracle. He thought this would help, a girl again. But everything felt wrong, soft curves where he wanted hard lines. Breasts where he wanted chest muscles and a little hair. This girl whose name he couldn't remember, no, didn't want to remember. When all he wanted was Remus.

The door smashed open with all the force of an explosion, and stood there, eyes wide and panicked, was Lily Evans, Remus' library friend and the love of James' life.

Seeing what he was doing, her face turned up, disgusted, and he felt so too. What was he doing?

"Sirius, you have to come, now. Remus-Remus has been attacked Sirius ! We can't move him. He's asking for you, he's in the prefect's bathroom!" her robes swirled around her legs as she ran back down the stairs.

Sirius Black thought he knew fear and dread and the pounding of your heart and your hands trembling, but that was nothing like now. This was terror in all its immobilizing glory.

He stood, dressing with shaking hands, trying to do a million things at once, ignoring the urge to smack the sulking and whining girl. The second he looked presentable to be walking around, he ran out there full belt, only thought screaming through his head.

_Get to Remus. Get to Remus. Get to Remus._

Remus was hungry_. _But that was nothing new; he was used to it by now. He was tired, but most of all he was just fed up.

Everything had gone wrong: Sirius hated him, he had blown everything. James tried but couldn't help, and he had no patience for peter. Hogwarts had no fun anymore, and to make it worse there was a full moon coming up. He hadn't transformed alone in so long, he couldn't bear the thought of it.

_Maybe I should just leave Hogwarts. _He had bounced the thought around for so long, but he couldn't bring himself to think about it until now. Everything was ruined: it would be easier to be alone far away, than two feet from Sirius' bed, all alone.

Tears blurred his eyes; that was a common occurrence too. At first he'd been able to ignore his tears, now he just waited until everyone left the library.

"MOONY! " Remus didn't think Peter could run so fast, or look so pale. Remus' pulse started to race. "It's Sirius, he's hurt! He's asking for you! He's in the prefect's bathroom!"

Remus Lupin pushed past wormtail, sprinting up towards the bathroom, crashing into people, not caring. The only thing that mattered was getting to Sirius.

Sirius crashed through the door of the bathroom he wasn't allowed into, not knowing what to expect. Crowds of people? Remus bleeding and crying? Unconscious?

What he definitely didn't expect was nothing, the same pristine, perfectly calm bathroom. With a smirking James potter leaning against the sink.

"_Prongs ?" _he was advancing fast on the boy, who wasn't smirking anymore. "where the _fuck _is Remus ?! Evans said he was hurt!" he was nose to nose with his best friend, willing to wring his neck to find out if Remus was okay.

"Oh he's a good deal fucking hurt, you arrogant arse!" suddenly James was shouting, and shoved the black-haired boy back into the sink by his collar. "You broke his fucking heart! "

Sirius saw red, shoving James away from him and aiming a feeble punch at the taller boys face.

"Don't you think I know that?! Don't you think I hate myself! What do you want me to do, prongs? Lead him on? Make him think we could ever have a chance?!" he was almost begging prongs to understand, however the murderous expression on his face told a very different story.

"YOU BASTARD! You honestly think you're too good for Remus don't you? I don't know what he sees in you, because I just see a pathetic joke! An excuse for a man, arrogant, manipulative, a Black through and through. Look Sirius, you finally did your family proud. "

The last sentence was a step over the line and both boys knew it, and when Sirius' fist connected with James' nose, and the bone broke, James potter accepted it as a fair punishment.

Suddenly all the fight seemed to leave Sirius, he stood against the sink, hands on the sides. When he spoke, his voice caught and he couldn't look at James in the eyes.

"You're right. I am my family. I couldn't give a fuck about my reputation. Im- im not good enough for Remus okay? There is too much Black in me. Remus is too good, too sweet. Id-id fucking corrupt him. We'd be rejected by the world, and sooner or later the monster in me would hurt him! Don't you see, im not doing this for some ego trip or even just to be a bastard! I _love _Remus, so much, James. But id ruin him, and I won't fucking ruin him like my parents ruined me! Im doing what's best for him!"

The ringing silence echoed around the bathroom. James couldn't believe it. So here was the truth. Arrogant, playful, flirty Sirius Black, terrified to be loved. Convinced he was like the bastards that raised him. He loved Remus enough to be without him to fulfil some fucked up need to save Remus from him. It was heart-breaking.

"Don't I get a say in this, Sirius?"

Remus' voice rang out, sounding so unlike him, confident and clear.

James grinned through bloody lips, his plan had gone perfectly.


	4. Chapter 4

You want this too – chapter four

Heart dropping into your shoes. Life flashing before your eyes. Scared stiff. Blood running cold. Frightened half to death.

It was funny how many expressions were used to try and talk about fear, fear in its truest form. It's a feeling most people will experience, but even if you went through it every day, there'd be no preparing for the unpleasant sensation in real life.

Sirius didn't like being scared. Not that anyone does, but he especially. It went hand in hand with too much emotional baggage for the Eldest Black to ever like. Fear, apprehension. Vulnerability. Weakness. All things he tried his best to avoid like the plague.

But now he was scared, most scared than he'd ever been in his life. Far more frightened of this than the beatings at home, worse than anything. He would have happily attempted to wrestle a troll rather than look Remus Lupin in the face at this moment in time.

The silence expanded, grew and mutated into something as solid and unbreakable between them as if a shield charm had been placed. It was uncomfortable, sticking almost to their skin.

If anyone else had walked in, the most bizarre of scenes would be visible, Remus Lupin stood at the door looking as if he had all the time in the world, Sirius black looking as if he was ready to punch the mirror, avoiding contact with everyone, and James potter, desperately looking for any way possible for him to get out of this.

"so- yeah, I'll just, er…. I'll just go. "Prongs' statement was clumsy and awkward, but it did the trick of bringing everyone back down to reality.

Remus snickered, the sound of mirth seeming odd in this moment. Then it grew, and to the shock of James, Sirius joined in.

"Fucking hell prongs, don't become a mediator when you leave will you." Sirius sounded almost normal, even turned around, but different. It was like gallows humour, he was desperately seeking some relief from the conversation that was coming.

"Yeah, I'd stick to quiddictch if I were you James, suits you better, not using your head." Remus chimed in, and it could have been just like they used to be, laughing and joking.

Prongs huffed a good natured chucked. So they were teasing him, but they were laughing. At this moment James would have welcomed them beating him physically if it broke the damn silence.

"yeah alright, so im never going to be minister for magic, who cares ? Im going to captain the England quiddictch team and you know it!"

James strode forward to the door, stopped; put his hand on Remus's shoulder.

"Take it easy on him." Remus nodded the sheer look of gratitude and affection on his face nearly made James want to cry.

"Oi, you, don't fuck this up, okay mate?" the instruction shouted over his shoulder to Sirius would have sounded harsh but it came out as brotherly, caring and a little bit of a threat of what would happen if it did. Exactly as it intended.

Sirius nodded, and for the first time he held lupins gaze unflinchingly. James left the room, lily Evans waiting outside eagerly.

"Well? Did it work?" her greens eyes were practically dancing with excitement and James nearly felt his heart burst.

"Hopefully, they'll sort it out. They… they deserve to be happy." The statement was juvenile in its delivery but heartfelt, and something shifted in lily eyes.

"My god, James potter supporting his too best friends being madly in love, whatever next? "Her tone was teasing but affectionate, then she frowned and her voice shifted.

"James… you know it won't be easy for them, don't you? People… people will say things, they won't understand."

Protective anger lashed out from the pit of James' stomach. He wouldn't let anyone hurt his friends.

"No, they fucking wont. They'll have to go through me first, Remus has been so much already and –

His words were cut off as the red head reached up and caught his lips with her own and every nerve in the spectacled boy's body exploded, white hot and overloaded.

The kiss was simple, chaste. It was still the hottest, happiest memory James had.

"lily… Lilly, do you want to go to the three broomsticks with me this weekend?" His heart stopped; his whole life hung on this moment.

"Sure… now you've deflated your head a bit…" with a wink that nearly caused James to climax in his pants, she turned around and disappeared down the corridor.

It was rare for Remus to feel in control of a situation. He was non-confrontational and passive by nature; not too say he was weak by any means. Thanks to Sirius black he had also discovered that he also had a submissive streak. It's always good to learn new things about yourself.

But now though, he felt calm, settled. He had heard Sirius' confession, just like James had intended. It sent a thrill of power through him. He could make Sirius cry. Sirius loved him. From that, surely everything had to be okay.

"Sirius. Sirius, look at me." The command was subtle, so full of love.

Grey eyes met his, filled with uncertainty.

"What you said before… you meant it, didn't you?" He had to know, had to confirm. He needed to hear it.

"What do you want from me, Remy?" Sirius broke the distance between them, grabbed the werewolf by his collar. Their faces were so close; Remus ached to feel his lips. But this was a conversation they needed to have.

"I want you to stop, Sirius." He sounded weary; the last few weeks had taken more of a toll than he originally realised. Running here had made his legs weak and his head was spinning. He tried to focus: he couldn't mess this up.

"I want you to stop acting as if im not here, like I don't matter. I want you to stop acting like someone you're not. You think it makes you untouchable if you act like you don't give a shit…it just makes you a prick Sirius." He continued, feeling braver as he went on and Sirius just stood and listened. Didn't punch him, didn't shove him away. Just stared into his eyes and listened.

"I love you. I have for years. I want to be with you, and fuck what everyone else thinks. Im a werewolf for god's sake, im used to hatred. But I want you, Sirius. The real you, not this playboy act you put on."

"That's what I want, Sirius. " Remus leaned forward until their lips were so close to touching that Sirius wanted to whimper and close the distance.

"Do you want this to?"

"Yes. Yes, I want it, Remy. I want all of it."

Remus' response was to initiate the kiss for the first time.

It started slow and soft, then true to form Sirius took charge and it became filthy hot, desperate and yet now it was familiar, it was loving.

Sirius still had his hand on Remus' school tie and he used it for leverage to push the boy up against the sink, kissing him frantically.

"Oh, god Sirius, god I missed you so much, god I needed …." As the Animagus took his ear lobe and sucked on it, Remus nearly felt his knees collapse from the sensation.

"I know what you needed you dirty little whore." The words were growled and as Remus' bucked up and let out a strangled sob and Sirius knew he'd hit the jackpot with his lovely submissive.

Sirius basically ripped the shirt off Remus and was on his way down to the pants when suddenly-

"Mr Black! Mr Lupin! What are you two doing?"

Sirius groaned and pulled himself up, slipping his hand in Remus's as they turned to face their headmaster.


End file.
